If you are honest, really really honest then you can admit that sometimes you are your biggest enemy. There has probably a point in time in your life where you've thought or maybe even said out loud some not so nice things about yourself.
And if I am honest with
you and myself I am definitely still working on not being so self defeating.
And I think that it all really started last year. I decided that I needed to lose some weight. I wasn't super heavy but I wouldn't of hurt for me to loose a few. Maybe just like 10, or 15 lbs. So I started watching what I ate, and counting calories. And it worked.
I looked good. I felt good. People were commenting on how good I looked. I got good at counting calories. A little too good. And since we are being honest, I got obsessed. Eating out became a nightmare.
I lost the 15 and kept going til I lost about 30. And anytime Ziggy would try to encourage me to eat more or suggest we go out for ice cream or drink I would flip my shit. I don't have the calories for that. I would pick a huge fight about how he was trying to sabotage me and wanted me to be fat so no one would like. Mentally I was not in a good place. And he stuck with me through the "looney bin stage."
Around Christmas, my size 0 in jeans were falling off me (which works for some people but just not for me) when I finally had my "ah-ha" moment.
I was getting out of the shower drying off getting ready to get on the scale. I was standing there
waiting for the numbers to tell me my self worth when I notice my legs (which have always been chicken like) didn't touch. At all.
|Kind like this picture|
Not sure why that is what struck me but it did. And so I flipped a whole 180 degrees. And so I ate. Everything. All the time. For any reason.
I was mad. I was sad. I was stressed. I had nothing better to do. But almost never because I was hungry.
And that lasted for a little while. But I realized that well that is not healthy either.
I am not 100% proud of what I eat all the time. I am a work in progress.
But I am no longer my own worst enemy. I am making better choices but still trying to have fun with food.
Life is about balance right? I am still trying to find mine.
Have you had "eating struggles" How have you coped?