If you are honest, really really honest then you can admit that sometimes you are your biggest enemy. There has probably a point in time in your life where you've thought or maybe even said out loud some not so nice things about yourself.
And if I am honest with you and myself I am definitely still working on not being so self defeating.
And I think that it all really started last year. I decided that I needed to lose some weight. I wasn't super heavy but I wouldn't of hurt for me to loose a few. Maybe just like 10, or 15 lbs. So I started watching what I ate, and counting calories. And it worked.
I looked good. I felt good. People were commenting on how good I looked. I got good at counting calories. A little too good. And since we are being honest, I got obsessed. Eating out became a nightmare.
I lost the 15 and kept going til I lost about 30. And anytime Ziggy would try to encourage me to eat more or suggest we go out for ice cream or drink I would flip my shit. I don't have the calories for that. I would pick a huge fight about how he was trying to sabotage me and wanted me to be fat so no one would like. Mentally I was not in a good place. And he stuck with me through the "looney bin stage."
Around Christmas, my size 0 in jeans were falling off me (which works for some people but just not for me) when I finally had my "ah-ha" moment.
I was getting out of the shower drying off getting ready to get on the scale. I was standing there
waiting for the numbers to tell me my self worth when I notice my legs (which have always been chicken like) didn't touch. At all.
 |
| Kind like this picture |
Not sure why that is what struck me but it did. And so I flipped a whole 180 degrees. And so I ate. Everything. All the time. For any reason.
I was mad. I was sad. I was stressed. I had nothing better to do. But almost never because I was hungry.
And that lasted for a little while. But I realized that well that is not healthy either.
I am not 100% proud of what I eat all the time. I am a work in progress.
But I am no longer my own worst enemy. I am making better choices but still trying to have fun with food.
Life is about balance right? I am still trying to find mine.
Have you had "eating struggles" How have you coped?
- Jen
I think so many people, females specifically, go through something like this. I too have had struggles with eating (either not enough or too much). It's a battle everyday to stay balanced, but it's comforting to know you're not alone! Thanks for being so honest!
ReplyDeleteHoly crap. I've been there. Done that. I was 135, then got down to 105 when I was your age. It was not pretty. Just be mindful of what you're doing to your body and remember that food is fuel. Lots of people develop an unhealthy relationship with food and exercise after going through this.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm 5'2" and I will NEVER wear a size 0. Even if I was 70 lbs. :P